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A birthday reflection...

I turned 40 yesterday.

My book was released into the world the day prior.

And I’m sitting here in my hotel room in NYC, full of emotion.

8 years ago, I was 32 with a 4-month-old, 2-year-old, and 4-year-old and filing for divorce while working full time to support myself, the kids, and the growing legal bills from my divorce.

Despite what it looked like on the outside...my life got pretty dark.

I almost didn’t make it.

I sit here at 40 living my dream of becoming a published author and continuing my deeply personal mission of helping women (and men!) make space for all the roles they play in life.

I almost lost myself.

Mom + Work took over the entire movie there for a while.

But slowly, I started to make space for fun.

I started to make space for health.

I started to make space for pleasure.

I started to make space for creativity.

And with each fight to find those versions of myself again, I slowly found all of myself.

I figured today would be a fun day to share 40 things I would go back and tell myself:

1. When life feels dark, don’t hide under the covers….start looking for a flashlight.
2. You have two choices when it comes to trying something new……be scared and avoid it or be scared and try it anyway. TL;DR everyone is scared when trying something new.
3. Your track record for making it through tough days is 100%. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
4. Eventually, the defense mechanisms that got you through the tough times will become your weaknesses. Overcoming needs equal parts evolution.
5. Your kids/friends/family won’t remember the mess, but they will remember the love.
6. It’s okay to ask for help, you don’t have to do it alone (and you shouldn’t).
7. Therapy. Do it.
8. Speak to your current self the way you would speak to yourself as a 5-year-old because that’s usually who needs the most comforting anyway.
9. Don’t take advice from people who aren’t in the arena with you.
10. The people who don’t want you to change usually benefit from you staying the same.
11. Don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20.
12. It’s okay to change your mind. That’s a sign of growth.
13. Stop trying to solve for problems that haven’t happened yet. Trust the future version of yourself to do that.
14. As you check the boxes of life, make sure you know who wrote the checklist.
15. Your worth is not tied to your productivity.
16. Your worth is not tied to your relationship status.
17. Your worth is not tied to your looks.
18. Your worth is not tied to your bank account.
19. Your worth IS tied to feeling like a good person who deserves to be treated as such.
20. Don't let guilt define your boundaries. It will just lead to resentment.
21. “Should” is a bad word.
22. “Tomorrow” is a dangerous word.
23. Don’t give your power to people who make you feel small.
24. Critical thinking and focus are superpowers. Start getting curious about what’s taking these away from you.
25. Make sure you form your own opinions before you ask for others’.
26. If you can’t change the world, you can change one world.
27. Let go of what no longer serves you….even if it feels hard.
28. You can’t change the past. It’s a sunk cost. But you can learn from it so you don’t repeat it.
29. Celebrate your progress, not just the finish line.
30. Some things need to fall apart to make room for something better.
31. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Trust the process.
32. Don’t worry about what others think. They’re too busy worrying about themselves.
33. Time moves fast. Don’t wait for the “right time” or when things slow down to make time for what matters to you.
34. There’s strength in vulnerability. And it's usually a permission slip for others to open up.
35. You are allowed to evolve beyond the person you were yesterday even if it means leaving others who don't want to evolve next to you.
36. Taking risks is uncomfortable, but living in regret is even worse.
37. Sometimes you just need to shake things up.
38. The need to control everything is rooted in chaos. Find internal stability, and you won’t need as much external stability.
39. You don’t need more information, you need more focus.
40. Stop waiting for permission to live the life you deserve.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me.

I hope to celebrate this new decade of life at a book tour event near you.

PS, if you haven’t ordered your copy of TOXIC GRIT - that would be the best birthday present ever. 👇

PPS - I’m hitting the road and coming to many cities over the next few months. Check it out here and RSVP here!​
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600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246
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