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​​Healthy Competition

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♟️ MY TURN:

Towards the end of last year I sat in a room full of top women creators.

And most all-women conferences lead to a moment where women are taught three words:

“collaboration over competition"

And as I sat there at this conference a woman who I respect as both a competitive athlete and leader stood before us to teach us a new approach:

Collaboration with competition.

As two former athletes, her and I share the same understanding……

Competition is important and necessary in life.

According to Deloitte, 70% of Fortune 500 CEOs were college athletes.

Competition leads to:

• A boost in motivation
• Better performance
• Innovation

But here’s the issue.

Many of us confuse competition with comparison.

Comparison vs. Competition

Comparison and competition might look similar from the outside, but internally they operate from very different origins.

Comparison is passive and past-focused:

You measure your worth against someone else’s outcome (and usually stop there). This leads to thoughts like “I’m behind,” “I’m not enough,” or “why even try?”

Competition (at its healthiest) is active and future-focused:

you use someone else’s performance as information. Instead of “she’s ahead, I suck,” it becomes “she’s ahead, so now I know what’s possible……what can I learn, and how do I want to respond?”

One keeps you stuck in shame, the other can pull you into motion.

Last summer my kids tried basketball camp for the first time and on day one they came back crying. They had never played before and everyone else was WAY better than they were.

I validated their feelings (it sucks to feel behind).

But I made them go for the rest of the week.

And then something happened.

By day 4 my son came back showing me his new dribbling skills.

My daughter could do a lay up.

They weren’t the best but they were getting better.

So much of life is about knowing there are always people way ahead of you but not shying away from the competitive energy inside of us.

♟️ YOUR TURN:

The 3 C’s of Healthy Competition

Competition is a tool in life when used properly.

Here’s the framework I use to tell the difference.

1. Calibration

Are you using others as a mirror or a telescope. A mirror is a reflection of my stagnancy - I start “shoulding” all over myself.

I should be further.
I should push harder.
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But a telescope just shows me how far I can go.

Get curious if the people you surround yourself with are mirrors or telescopes.

2. Capacity

The research is clear: rivals push us to work harder, think sharper, and dig deeper.

(And heated rivals take us to the cottage….sorry…had to)

But there’s a line between a stretch in our capacity and self-destruction.

Healthy questions:

• Is this pushing me out of my comfort zone or out of my values?
• Am I sacrificing sleep, integrity, or relationships to “win”?

I see a lot of people use IG quotes about self love and discipline to actually disguise self hate.

3. Character

Here’s where it gets real.

In any game worth playing:

• You will lose.
• You will get out-earned.
• Someone younger will do in 2 years what took you 10.
• People will have access to coaches and trainers that you could only dream of.

Healthy competition is less about how you act when you’re #1…and more about who you are when you’re not even on the podium…..and someone else is.

Questions to sit with:

• Can I genuinely celebrate someone else’s win while still wanting my own?
• When I lose, do I disappear… or do I review the tape?

Because here’s the truth:

The people who quietly win over the long term are rarely the ones who never lose.
(Even Michael Jordan had 366 losses to his 706 career wins.)

They’re the ones who refuse to stop learning from the people who beat them.

Watch out for comparison and lean into the competition of life.

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