- The pattern we learned as kids.
- 5 tactical steps to getting unstuck
♟️ MY TURN:
You know what’s really scary?
It’s not ghosts or haunted houses…..
It’s feeling stuck in your life.
Whether you know what you need to do but you just can’t seem to do it.
Or you know what would make you feel better but you can’t get motivated to do it.
Or you know the pattern you’re repeating is holding you back but you can’t seem to break it.
So what differentiates people who keep going from those who get stuck?
Today we are going to unpack the common reasons people get stuck and how to get unstuck.
So why do we get stuck? We aren’t born to self sabotage.
But our caveman brains are wired for survival.
Throughout our childhood our brain is programmed to do things to protect us from what our brain thinks is a threat.
Scared?
Perhaps we learned it’s best to fight.
Perhaps we learned it’s best to freeze.
Perhaps we learned it’s best to take flight.
Once these programs are installed, our brain runs those same programs in times of consistent stress or trauma as an adult.
Let’s get nerdy for a second.
The amygdala is the area of our brain responsible for emotions.
When we are triggered by something, our amygdala turns on and takes over.
Now we are only able to respond out of emotion, not logic and this old programming leads us to fall back on the fight, flight, or freeze programming, even in situations that do not warrant them.
These ingrained reactions can become a hamster wheel of repeated patterns, causing us to feel stuck.
So what do we do about it? Keep reading.
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♟️ YOUR TURN:
I’m not immune to being stuck. As someone who co-parents with an ex, I use the following tools often when I realize my amygdala is being hijacked and I’m about to respond out of emotion and not logic.
I recently came across Britt Frank, therapist and author of the book The Science of Stuck, on the Create the Love Podcast titled “You’re not broken, you’re just stuck”. ​
Pulling from her thoughts and my experience with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), here are 5 tactical steps to getting unstuck.
Step 1: Name It
Awareness is the greatest agent of change.
Ask yourself: What patterns or beliefs are currently holding me back?
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​Step 2: Take 6
In an acute moment of reaction (when the amygdala is hijacked) it takes 6 seconds for the chemicals released to dissipate.
I set a timer and take 6 deep breathes when I want to react with a fight, flight or freeze response.
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Step 3: Challenge It
Awareness, Breathe and Challenge.
These are the ABCs of behavior change.
When we simply pause and ask “does this reaction or action serve me or sabotage me?” you will be in the 1% of personal growth-ers.
Another way I like to say it “is this helpful or hurtful?”
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Step 4: The Micro Yes
This was my favorite tool I heard from Britt Frank in the podcast. She shared openly about her struggles with drugs and how one morning, after a bender, she realized she hadn’t eaten and she called her sponsor.
She had no energy or ability to function but the sponsor asked her to find something in the fridge for her to take just one bite of.
She found some yogurt and took one bite.
That one bite led to a second and then a third.
When you are stuck, sometimes it’s not about big changes but rather, small micro wins.
Frank calls this the “Micro Yes”.
Ask yourself, what’s the smallest step I could take toward my goal today?
- Struggling to workout? Do 10 sit ups or walk around the block.
- Struggling to start a project? Write one sentence or make one slide.
- Struggling to repair a relationship? Start with one conversation.
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Step 5: Get Support
When you are stuck, many of us tend to coat ourselves in shame and guilt, retreating from others. But we must push against that natural inclination and ask for help.
I have been in cognitive behavioral therapy for 7 years as a way to ensure I keep growing and unlearning my personal patterns of stuckness.
I also join peer groups of people doing similar things as me.
PS if you are looking for a group of people who are building and growing while juggling multiple roles in life - perhaps Office Hours is for you. We meet every week to ensure we get out of our own way and make progress towards our goals.
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I hope this issue of Life's a Game helps anyone feeling a bit stuck lately.
If it did, reply and let me know. đź’š
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