- When does grit turn toxic?
- 7 signs your ambition might be growing unhealthy.
- The 3 keys to avoiding toxic grit
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♟️ MY TURN:
As someone who got divorced 7 years ago, I remember a conversation with an aunt that went something like this:
- Me: “I’m really unhappy and not sure we can fix this”
- Her: “Marriage is hard! You can’t run away from something that’s hard.”
As a highly ambitious person there is one thing I pride myself on.......
GRIT.
But when does GRIT turn into a toxic quality that is actually full of self hate rather than self love and compassion?
When do we know when to turn in the towel vs. persevere?
The 2 Key Components of Grit:
- Passion: Deep-seated interest and commitment to a specific goal or field over time.
- Perseverance: The determination to continue pushing forward despite obstacles, setbacks, and a lack of immediate progress.
Ok so we have to be passionate and a determination to keep moving forward. Most of us (high performers) can do that in our sleep.
So how do we know if our grit is actually growing toxic?
Keep reading.
♟️ YOUR TURN:
If there is something you are struggling with deciding whether to keep pushing or let it go, let’s walk through 7 signs your ambition might be growing unhealthy.
7 Signs of Toxic Grit
1. Ignoring well-being and Health
When a person becomes so fixated on achieving a goal that they neglect their mental and physical health.
This can lead to burnout, chronic stress, exhaustion, or even serious health issues.
If you find yourself skipping workouts, staying up late, eating unhealthy - you might want to ask yourself what success actually looks like.
2. Sticking to Goals That No Longer Serve You:
Continuing to pursue a goal that is no longer meaningful, relevant, or feasible just for the sake of persistence.
Toxic grit can result in chasing a path that is not aligned with your current values or interests, leading to dissatisfaction and wasted time.
Pausing to check in on long term goals can help avoid this common misstep.
3. Failure to Adapt or Quit:
While grit encourages persistence, there are times when quitting or pivoting is the smarter choice.
Toxic grit can manifest as stubbornness or making it hard to recognize when a goal should be redefined, scaled back, or abandoned.
When times get tough, look for data to back an emotional response.
4. Sacrificing Relationships:
Prioritizing personal or professional goals to the extent that it harms relationships with family, friends, or colleagues.
Toxic grit may push someone to isolate themselves or neglect important social connections.
Ask yourself: Is it really a win if you have no one to share it with?
5. Obsession and Perfectionism:
Grit can turn into obsession, where the pursuit of excellence becomes perfectionism.
This mindset can lead to frustration, self-criticism, and feeling "never good enough," which reduces overall life satisfaction.
Allow yourself to focus more on the journey than the destination. Celebrate the little wins along the way.
6. Loss of Balance:
Toxic grit can disrupt the balance between work and leisure.
If someone devotes all their energy to a single goal, they might lose touch with hobbies, relaxation, and self-care, which are essential for a well-rounded life.
Ask yourself: when was the last time I had fun? Is all of this worth it if I am unhappy all the time?
7. Emotional Exhaustion and Decreased Motivation:
When a person’s emotional and motivational reserves are depleted due to overexertion, it can lead to emotional exhaustion.
Instead of feeling energized by the goal, they feel drained and disinterested.
If you lost the spark, take a moment to come up for air and see if you are pushing because of ego or passion?
SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THIS?!
If any of the above resonated, it's important you pause to think about 3 things:
- Do you have a north star mission as an individual?
- Have you set clear values for what you want in your life? Use this to help!
- Have you paired the above with flexibility and adaptability?
These 3 things are the keys to knowing when you should keep pushing or walk away.
Looking back at that conversation I realized, yes, marriage is hard. Relationships are hard.
But my goal wasn't to just be married ➡️ it was to feel seen, supported and loved by an equal.
Having those anchors and values helped me to understand when the scales had tipped too far.
A lot of things are hard.
Choose the version of “hard” that aligns with your values, goals and overall mission as a human.
Would love to know if this resonates.....
Reply to this email and let me know.
Sending hugs!