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​​4D Thinking: How to Make Big Decisions Without Waiting for “Someday”

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Quick Spin:

• Why “when things slow down” keeps you stuck in life limbo​
• Permission vs. data (and why we secretly want someone to tell us what to do)
• The 4D Decision Framework: Deadline, Data, Debate, Decide
• A gentler truth: No decision is truly permanent

♟️ MY TURN:

Recently a friend told me she’s thinking about moving cities.

There’s no big catalyst. No breakup. No layoff. Just a quiet knowing that a new city might be really good for her.

So I asked:

“Okay, how will you decide?”

She started to say, “Well, after things slow down…”

I interrupted:

“When would you say was the last time things slowed down?”

Silence.

Here’s the thing:

Arbitrary, obscure deadlines are the quickest path to stagnancy.

I watched her do something I’ve seen others do so many times: She wasn’t actually looking for information.

She was looking for permission.

I know this pattern well.

I lived in a multi-year purgatory wondering if I should get a divorce.

I remember literally googling: “Should I file for divorce?”

As if Google was going to pop up a magic 8-ball answer: Signs point to yes.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have data. I knew how I felt. I knew our patterns. I had years of evidence.

I just didn’t trust myself to decide.

Psychology Today calls this the “permission illusion”: we underestimate how free we actually are to act, so we stall and keep looking for someone to bless our choices.

At the same time, Harvard researchers have shown that more options can actually make us less happy with our decisions because we’re haunted by what we didn’t choose.

So we end up in this fun little cocktail of:

• Too many options
• Not enough self-trust
• And a constant hunt for external approval

The only real outcome of any big decision is what you make of it.

That realization is what led me to a simple decision-making framework I now use for everything from relationship choices to work opportunities to moving cities.

I call it 4D Thinking.

If you’re standing on the edge of a big life choice as the seasons are shifting, I hope this gives you a way out of limbo.

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♟️ YOUR TURN:

Welcome to 4D Decision Making.

Big decision in front of you? Run it through this 4D Thinking:

Deadline

If your plan is “when things slow down,” you don’t have a plan.

Set a real decision date on the calendar.

• “By June 1, I will decide if I’m staying in this job.”
• “By the end of this school year, I’ll decide if we’re moving.”

A deadline moves the decision from “someday” to “this season.”

Data

This is where we replace vibes with reality - real concrete data to help us get closer to deciding.

Two buckets:

1. External data:
   • Finances
   • Logistics
   • Kids/school implications
   • Job market, housing, etc.
2. Internal data:
   • How do I feel most days in my current situation?
   • When do I feel most alive? Most drained?
   • What has my body been trying to tell me that my brain keeps overriding?

Reminder: Polling 10 friends is not “data.” That’s a permission tour.

Debate

Now you intentionally invite debate — not the chaotic swirl in your head at 2am:

• Do a two-column future: “If I stay” vs. “If I go,” but force yourself to write the most generous version of each.
• Then, ask 1–2 trusted people to poke holes in your thinking — not to decide for you, but to stress-test your logic.

(Research from Harvard and others shows that diverse perspectives can improve decision quality, but only when you still retain autonomy over the final call.)

Your goal in the Debate phase is not permission. It’s clarity.

Decide

At some point, you have to cross the line.

You pick.

You send the email.
You sign the lease.
You book the ticket.
You tell the lawyer.

And then you do one more thing that most of us skip:

You schedule a check-in with Future You.

• “In 6 months, I’ll reassess how this choice feels.”

That small move reminds your nervous system:

This decision is important, but it’s not a life sentence.

I know an incredible couple who got divorced, did their own separate healing, and then chose to get remarried years later.

No decision is permanent.

You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to course-correct.
You are allowed to decide again.

And you get to decide if each decision is right for you.

No one else.

♟️ Let's Win Together.

If you’re in a season of big decisions — career, city, relationships — and want more frameworks like 4D Thinking to navigate them without burning your life down, I've got some things that may help:

• My 35 Hard challenges tackle one big goal over the course of 35 days. These are pre-recorded so you can go at your own pace! They are each $43.
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  Want to grow a personal brand? Click here.​
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• Life's a Game: The Masterclass is my 10 module productivity and focus course teaching all the frameworks I use to juggle 3 kids and 5 income streams. Click here to get the course for just $143.​
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Hit reply and tell me:

What decision are you stuck on and which of the 4 Ds do you need most right now?

600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246
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