- My last year of "finding myself"
- Erik Erikson's stages of development
- Feeling pulled in different directions? Some tips 👇
♟️ MY TURN:
Real talk: the last few years I had a bit of an identity crisis.
I felt like I was between two versions of myself.
The CMO who wanted to teach people marketing and build brands
vs.
The writer who wanted to empower people to create space for all the roles they play in life.
I talk about this with my (almost) 12 year old daughter as well.
Some days she still wants to play with dolls and some days she wants to hide her toys and be seen as a young adult.
What happens when you feel pulled between two versions of yourself?
Do you try to merge them…..finding a half-truthed middle ground of consolation?
Do you tuck one away and go all in on the other?
Do you spiral into paralysis and disconnection from knowing who you are?
So I researched.
All year I studied the power of identity and what TF is an identity crisis really?
What is an identity crisis according to psychology?
In psychology, an identity crisis is a period of significant questioning and reassessment of one's sense of self, often occurring during periods of transition or major life changes.
It can involve internal conflicts about values, beliefs, roles, and future direction, leading to feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, and a lack of direction.
How do you find out “who” you are?
During my research I stumbled upon a man named Erik Erikson - an ego psychologist who developed one of the most popular and influential theories of identity development. (maybe it was because he was so confused having the same first and last name….but I digress)
Good ole Erik created 8 stages of development to support his theory that the impact of social interaction and relationships played a role in the development and growth of human beings.
Aka - the more you experience, the more you change.
(so - good news - an identity crisis is actually a sign you are growing!!)
Here are his 8 stages:
- Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust (Infancy from birth to 18 months)
- Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (Toddler years from 18 months to three years)
- Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt (Preschool years from three to five)
- Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority (Middle school years from six to 11)
- Stage 5: (Teen years from 12 to 18)
- Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation (Young adult years from 18 to 40)
- Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle age from 40 to 65)
- Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair (Older adulthood from 65 to death)
Let’s look at stage 7 for a moment (you know, because I just turned 40!)
Erikson's theory highlights the conflict between feeling a sense of purpose and contribution to society (generativity) and feeling unproductive or self-absorbed (stagnation).
I found the core tension……..
Am I making a difference?
This is where we shift from “What do I want?” to “What am I leaving behind?
If we’re not contributing, we feel stuck, stagnant, maybe even bitter.
If you’re in your 40s (and maybe even 30s) and feeling lost, this is likely the stage whispering to you.
No wonder I was struggling!!!
I had been spending a lot of my time last year focused on building things around how I can get to $50k MRR. I was all about telling people how to market to sell more stuff (the thing I’ve been doing my entire career) which was leading to......stagnation.
I felt like my actions weren’t aligned with how I wanted to contribute to society.
Where I want to go is directly tied to generativity.
- I want to help people live a life that feels more meaningful.
- I want to focus on learning about others and building content that is in service of them.
- I want to move from “let me tell you what I know” to more “let me learn what I don’t”.
- I want to build brands that make people feel empowered.
But I needed the money from this version of me to support the new version of me.
The one more aligned with where I wanted to go.
So what does that mean?
I slowly created more space for the future version of me.
More time for reading.
More time for thinking.
More time for interviews of other people.
More speaking in rooms of people.
More time for writing.
Less courses.
Less selling.
Less focus on short term MRR and more focus on long term impact.
I'm not saying these things are inherently bad. I still have revenue streams tied to MRR, but I needed to create space for the future version of me which has meant turning down money and some projects in the present.
♟️ YOUR TURN:
Creating space for introspection is key when you feel the pings of an identity crisis.
Step 1:
Get curious about your current values. Need help? Read this. ​
Step 2:
Ask yourself “What would a life aligned with these values look like?
Step 3:
Ask yourself “When I’m on my deathbed, what will I regret not having done while I still can?”
Step 4:
Take the answers to step 3 and find your 5% plan. A 5% plan makes the big goals feel more attainable.
→ You may not be able to travel the world right now, but maybe you book that weekend trip.
→ You may not be able to quit your job, but you take a class on that topic you can’t stop thinking about.
→ You may need to keep making money as a marketer, but you write that book proposal.
​
TL;DR
Feeling pulled towards a new identity is a sign of growth.
Learn where you are and where you want to go.
Make tiny steps to close the gap.
And the best news?
You can continue to change at any time. There are no right or wrong answers in life. Just make a decision, then make it the right one for you.
​
♟️ Let's Win Together.
Life's a Game Spotlight
Childcare should not feel like a second job. If you are welcoming a baby, heading back to work, or caring for kids and parents, it can be a lot. Wanted to share a guide by Hello Nanny!, plus Winnie, Recess, Bumo, Sage Haus, and Fair Play: The Modern Parent’s Guide to Childcare for Every Season
Inside:
- Options at a glance: nanny, daycare, au pair, family assistant, backup care
- Real pros, cons, and costs
- Mental Load Alerts to share the invisible work
Support is not one size fits all. Build the mix that protects your energy.
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🧩 Thanks for keeping Life's a Game Free
