- 3 tools I use when making a big decision
- Details on my recent ketamine journey
- 7 questions to ask yourself at a fork in the road
This newsletter is about personal and professional growth. But how do we pick up speed when we don’t know the destination?
Many people ask me about the tools I use when life is at a crossroads and you aren’t sure which path to take so here's my answer....
♟️ MY TURN:
I recently turned 40 and stepped back on the corporate ladder with a 9-5 while also beginning the writing of book #2.
But I had another big decision ahead of me: trying for a baby with my new husband.
We had learned we would have to go through IVF to have a baby which means a lot more doctor appointments and a lot more thought around.....
timing.
(by now most of you have seen our announcement that the universe made the decision for us and baby is coming in August!)
but....
before that surprise.....
it felt like a big decision.
One that felt impossible to make.
And I’m no stranger to big decisions.
There have been many times in my life where things felt intense and I wasn’t sure which path to take.
Things like….
- Selling my company after only 3 years.
- Getting a divorce with 3 kids under the age of 4.
- Deciding to take an intense startup CMO role.
Here are the 3 tools I’ve picked up along the way to help me make the best decision possible.
Tool #1: Cognitive Behavior Therapy
Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a form of talk therapy focused on changing unhelpful or unhealthy ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.
Unlike other talk therapy which focuses mostly on the “why” we feel a certain way….CBT focuses on the “what do we do about it”. CBT is all about tools and strategies.
My #1 goal for therapy: Make the subconscious → conscious
(do I know why I feel and act the way I do?)
I want to run on current/adult programming, not old programming
By knowing my original programming (some call this your inner child) I can make decisions based on what 40 year old Amanda wants and needs (not 6 year old Amanda).
CBT has allowed me to understand some fears I have around having another baby which come from my first marriage.
​Tool #2: Finding space
When we look for advice from others we create external noise that can make it hard to hear what we want.
If you find yourself googling “should I do X”.....chances are you know what you want to do and are actually seeking permission to do it.
My favorite ways to find space when I have a big decision to make:
The 3 hour walk
3 hours has proven to be the amount of time it takes for my brain to stop creating checklists and content ideas and start shifting into a dream state.
Picturing where I want to go with my life.
Not sure about a decision? Leave your phone at home and start walking.
Still unsure?
The 3 day break
When life really feels to be life-ing and I'm feeling paralyzed by it all, I step away for 3 days. Remember, flight attendants tell us to put our oxygen mask on first.
I figure out childcare, find a local hotel on hoteltonight.com or another discount website and hit the "timeout" button on my life.
Here's my 3 step process on my 3 day break I do:
- Day 1: Focus on my brain (slow down my brain with no technology, a book and a long workout or walk)
- Day 2: Focus on my body (good sleep, workouts, long walks, healthy food, no alcohol or sugar)
- Day 3: Reconnect with myself (see questions below)
​Tool #3: Ketamine therapy
Last year I completed my third ketamine therapy journey.
Now let me preface this with 2 things:
- I am not a “recreational drug user”. I take this very seriously and was very nervous before my first experience. I share this knowing this will seem very extreme to some subscribers (it felt that way to me as well)
- I served as the Fractional CMO for a ketamine therapy company for 4 months and spent time with doctors and practitioners who explained the science and benefits.
Please note: consult with a medical providers to see if this is right for you.
The 4 most common questions I get about my experience:
What is ketamine?
Ketamine was approved by the FDA in 1970 as an anesthetic and analgesic, and has been listed on the World Health Organization's List of Essential Medicines since 1985.
Known for its anesthetic effects and therapeutic potential, ketamine is increasingly being used as a treatment for anxiety and depression.
At lower doses, ketamine can disrupt negative feelings and preoccupations and help the brain create new, healthier patterns.
How does it work?
When people suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, their neurons become stunted with fewer connections.
After a divorce, raising 3 babies alone and a pandemic.....yeah.....I think I have a few stunted neurons.
Ketamine helps repair this damage by stimulating neuroplasticity and fertilizing the brain, restoring and strengthening new connections between neurons.
It helps quiet the negative thoughts which helps me make clearer decisions.
Why do I use it?
By setting an intention and creating space for my brain to quiet the negative thoughts and other stuff, I can get clarity on things in my life.
​What does it feel like?
How ketamine feels to one can be quite different than how it will feel to another, and each session can be very different.
For me, at my lower dose, the first 5-10 mins just produce a calming sensation over my body. At approximately 8 to 10 minutes, as the level of ketamine builds in your system, you will feel less and less of the sensations of your body.
The sounds you are hearing (a playlist is a crucial part of the experience) will become slightly louder and more encompassing. Music often gains more “dimension”. With an eye mask on, I “see” patterns and experience different phases of the music.
Note: at a lower dose I do not dissociate. I’m still very much in my body and aware of what’s happening. Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity.
​What was the takeaway from my experience?
This last experience was really gentle and almost like I was “watching a movie of my life”.
I saw myself with my kids and partner and was reminded how much I love being a parent and building our family. I was reminded how happy and content my life is independent of any financial or career success.
I’ll stop there. If you have any further questions about the experience - I’m happy to chat!
♟️ YOUR TURN:
As you potentially approach a fork in the road, here are 7 powerful questions to ask yourself if you feel you are at a crossroads and need to make some big decisions:
- When was the last time I felt really happy?
- What was I doing at that time in my life?
- Is my current path growing me or leading me to growth?
- What advice would I give to someone in my shoes?
- What is my fear in going after the thing I want?
- Whose voice do I hear in that fear? My parents? My friends? Society?
- What could go right?
Lastly, the most important things to remember when you are at a crossroads:
There is no right or wrong answer. Gather enough information to make the best decision for you and then spend all your energy making it the best decision for you.
This was an intense one.
Thank you for reading. đź’š