- The Conspiracy of Goals
- Why we feel it
- How I'm thinking about success differently
♟️ MY TURN:
For the first half of my career I was goal oriented.
In fact, I would treat my life like a check-the-box activity.
Things like:
- Get married
- Be on a tv show
- Run a marathon
- Make a million dollars
- Be a bestselling author
Once I had the goal on paper, I was like a dog with a bone. Nothing was going to stop me from achieving it.
So I'd run myself ragged in the pursuit of the goal.
And when I'd inevitably achieve whatever thing I penciled down months ago.......there would be perhaps a day of celebration but then, quickly, I'd set my sights on the next goal.
Becoming a best selling author was the hardest race I'd run in a while. The amount of hustle, favors and content creation necessary to make that happen almost killed me.
And now what?
I have a cool line to add to LinkedIn but, what else did it really get me?
Not more money.
Not more sales.
You see we chase things with teh false hope and belief that they will somehow change our lives.
This is called The Arrival Fallacy.
The check boxes are never the thing you should actually goal yourself against and yet we do thanks to this fallacy.
The Arrival Fallacy
This is simply the belief that “once I get the thing… then I’ll be happy.”
But when you arrive, the happiness spike is brief, and the mind immediately moves the finish line.
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar popularized this concept, and it’s now widely referenced in mainstream psychology writing.
This is also linked to the hedonic treadmill of life.......we rapidly adapt to the next level so the “new amazing thing” becomes the new normal and our baseline returns faster than we expect.
You see this in everything in life. The first time you go to Disney World all you see is magic. The fifth time all you see is lines and overpriced hot dogs.
So how do we avoid this hedonic adaptation of life?
How do we step off the treadmill and avoid the arrival fallacy?
Keep reading.
♟️ YOUR TURN:
How to stop chasing “arrival” and start enjoying the ride?
Pick one goal you’re chasing right now (money, title, body, launch, book, relationship milestone).
Then do this:
1) Replace the finish line with a “daily life upgrade.”​
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Write the sentence: “If I had this goal today, my Tuesday would look like…”​
List 3 changes that would actually show up in your ordinary day.
If you can’t name them, you’re chasing a badge and not a better life.
2) Build a “post-win plan” before you win.
Most people crash because they have no runway after the sprint.
Answer: “When I get it, what will I do the next morning?”​
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Write a simple plan with:
- one rest ritual (decompression)
- one connection ritual (celebrate with someone)
- one meaning ritual (how this win serves your values)
3) Start collecting “checkpoints.”
Hedonic adaptation thrives when the only dopamine is the outcome.
Instead you need a scoreboard that rewards the inputs:
- # of hours of deep work each day
- Consistency streaks
- reps, drafts, pitches, walks, therapy sessions
Track the thing that makes the goal inevitable.
4) Practice “savoring”
Every day this week, capture one 30-second moment and name it:
“This is what I didn’t want to miss today.”
Perhaps it's pausing to look at the words you just wrote.
Perhaps it's stepping back to look at the family you have.
Savoring slows us down.
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5) Define your “enough.”
Arrival fallacy is a moving finish line.
Write: “For the next 90 days, enough looks like…”
Then list 3 boundaries that protect it (work hours, content output, spending, training, whatever).
6) Start with tiny experiments
One of my favorite books that talks about this is Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff.
Pick one tiny experiment that has NO outcome associated.
It's all about the process itself.
Pick one curiosity and turn it into a pact: “I will [action] for [duration].”
Example: I will meditate for 15 minutes a day for 15 days, and jot one sentence about what came up each time. No outcome. No performance. Just paying attention.
How I'm doing goals differently....
I recently sold book #2 (yay!!) and instead of putting some big finish line in front of me that I have to marathon sprint towards, I'm focused on the joy of writing.
My tiny experiment:
- Read 1 chapter a day in a book for inspiration
- Write 2,000 words a day in the morning
Whatever happens doesn't matter. I want to fall in love with the curiosity that comes with creation and writing.
I hope this resonated! Let me know!!