- Story: The Chinese bamboo tree
- The Psychology of Quitting
- 3 Strategies I use to Keep Going
♟️ MY TURN:
For the past two years I've been in a quieter season of life - growing roots and being a bit more silent (at least compared to my days as a VC backed startup founder traveling to speak at events and on TV).
Something about a season of planting feels dark. You are down in the soil realizing other people's blooming flowers are so beautiful and wondering if / when spring will come for you.
And it will.
Ambitious people go through cycles of growing roots and growing up - blossoming.
THE CHINESE BAMBOO
I recently learned of the Chinese bamboo tree and how it grows.
When you plant the seed, you must water it and care for it every single day.
However, for the first year, nothing happens.
The seed shows no signs of growth.
You continue watering it through the second year.
Still, nothing happens.
The third year comes and goes with no visible change.
The fourth year?
Still no growth.
At this point, most people would lose faith, stop caring for the seed, and give up.
Can you imagine doing something for 4 years with no signs of growth?!!
How impatient would you be?!
But what if you knew…….
if you persist….
if you keep watering and nurturing the seed through the fifth year….
something miraculous happens.
Within a matter of weeks, in the 5th year, the Chinese bamboo tree shoots up over 80 feet tall.
What was it doing during all those years of seeming inactivity?
It was growing underground, developing a complex root system strong enough to support its towering growth.
Like the bamboo tree, success often takes time and unseen effort.
- It took me years to learn how to show up on social media and grow a personal brand and now I’m on track to hit a $1m ARR portfolio career this year.
- It took me years of learning hard lessons before ever writing a single word. Now I have a newsletter of 75,000 subscribers and a book coming out in October!
- It took me years of repeating dating patterns to finally learn how to show up in a healthy relationship and exist in the partnership I have now.
- It took me years of growing brands and marketing teams to be able to coach others on how to grow theirs and be a Fractional CMO to startups.
If you are growing roots, it can be tough to keep going.
Everyone around you appears to be in their “shoot up” stage. (that sounds illegal, I swear I’m just going with the bamboo analogy)
It’s easy to become discouraged when you don’t see immediate results.
But just because you don’t see progress doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
The roots you’re building are going to support your growth.
Some of you are enjoying your time in the soil while you grow roots in other ways. There is no pressure to build. You are trusting the process.
Some of you are feeling stuck in the soil and not sure how to proceed (and maybe you want to give up on the idea of blossoming altogether).
What's happening in your brain?
Keep reading.
WHY THE SOIL FEELS DIRTY
The urge to quit when something feels hard has roots (pun intended) in psychology, neuroscience, and biology.
Here’s a breakdown of the science behind it:
1. The Brain’s Desire for Efficiency
The brain is wired to conserve energy, following the principle of least effort. When a task feels difficult, the brain perceives it as a "threat" to energy efficiency, triggering resistance.
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and long-term planning, has to work harder during challenging tasks, which can feel mentally exhausting.
2. The Role of the Amygdala
The amygdala, the brain’s fear and threat detector, is activated when something feels hard or overwhelming. It interprets difficulty as a potential threat and triggers a stress response.
This can make you feel anxious, frustrated, or unmotivated, leading to the desire to quit as a form of self-protection.
3. The Pain-Reward Balance
Struggling with something hard releases cortisol (the stress hormone), which can dampen motivation and amplify the perception of discomfort.
At the same time, the brain’s dopamine reward system isn’t being triggered yet because the outcome (reward) is still far off. This lack of immediate gratification makes quitting more appealing than pushing forward.
TL;DR We are literally WIRED to avoid discomfort.
Want to quit reading?
I promise there is a reward to keep going. 👇
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♟️ YOUR TURN:
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Here are 3 strategies I use to gamify things when times get tough and there is no sign of bamboo shoots.
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Strategy #1: Kit Kat Goals
If I have a big goal (start a newsletter, grow on Instagram, write a book) I break down my goals into tiny, bite-sized pieces—like a Kit Kat bar.
This gives me a sense of progress and a mini dopamine hit.
Celebrating these micro-wins helps counteract the brain's tendency to avoid discomfort.
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Strategy #2: The 10 Minute Rule
Whenever I don’t want to do something, I tell myself I will try for 10 minutes.
If I still hate it, I can quit.
But here’s the funny thing…
An object in motion stays in motion.
9 times out of 10, I don’t quit once I start.
Set a timer……give me 10.
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Strategy #3: Accountability Partners
In my upcoming book I talk about the different types of people in your corner to help you juggle success and sanity and I want to highlight two of them:
- Coaches:
Coaches have been there before you and will help tell you where to go, how to get there and cheer you on from the sidelines.
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- Pacers:
Pacers are the people running alongside you. They are in the trenches with you, feeling the same pains of the race and can share what’s working for them.
Whenever I find myself wanting to quit, I surround myself with pacers. They are the ones I feel I can share the ups and downs and will encourage me to keep going.
PS if you are building a portfolio career and want some pacers, check out Office Hours.
Let me know if the above resonates!
And if you are enjoying your time in the soil, trusting that you will one day shoot up again when the timing is right, skip all of this and enjoy that dirt. I'll be here to celebrate you when you pop back up!
I love getting replies to the newsletter.
It keeps me going.