🧩 Thanks for keeping Life's a Game FREE!
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♟️ MY TURN:
For the past two months I’ve been traveling around the country for my TOXIC GRIT book tour. I’m getting to experience the things I’ve been wanting and working towards for years.
My words are helping others live a more intentional life.
I’m so grateful.
At a recent event someone came up to me after reading the book and said “it’s so amazing how you turned your trauma into a lighthouse”.
I sat there and my mind flashed through a series of extremely dark nights where I could have used my own tiny beacon of a lighthouse.
Nights where there felt like no light was ever going to appear in my life again.
Stretches of time during my divorce where threats of taking my kids away from me were used as a tool to ensure I didn’t fight for alimony or financial support.
Months wondering how I was going to navigate leaving my home due to a global pandemic, building a startup with no financial safety net and ensuring my three children were safe, cared for and sheltered from all the storms raging against them.
Against us.
I turned back to her.
And I said….
“it’s a lot easier to find the flashlight when you still have power and it’s a sunny day”
I wrote this book three years after the darkness started to turn to light.
Today is thanksgiving.
So most newsletters are going to talk about all the ways to be grateful.
And gratitude is a proven strategy to increase life satisfaction.
But if you are going through a particularly dark time right now I want to call out the danger of toxic gratitude.
What’s the difference?
- Genuine gratitude: Acknowledges the positive aspects of life while still recognizing and addressing challenges.
- Toxic gratitude: Focuses solely on the positive and denies or minimizes negative aspects, leading to a distorted view of reality.
You can appreciate what you have and still....
- want more.
- want something different.
- acknowledge unmet needs.
- create space for negative feelings.
Pressuring yourself or others to feel and express gratitude regardless of circumstances or genuine feelings can lead to limited growth (you don’t advocate for more because you feel you should be grateful for what you have).
It can also lead to:
- Staying in jobs that no longer grow you.
- Staying in relationships that no longer support you.
- Staying in contact with people that negatively affect you
So if you are looking for a gratitude exercise, I’m sure another newsletter will have that for you today.
Today I’m just here to hold space for those who are going through hard times and offer up an exercise to help you find your flashlight in the dark.
Need a flashlight today?
Keep reading.
​
♟️ YOUR TURN:
Guess who can help us find the flashlight when things get dark?
Today I want you to close your eyes and picture your current adult self going to visit yourself as a child.
Sit down with that little child.
Look around. Where are they?
What are they doing?
What are they playing with?
Then ask them:
​What do you want and need right now?
And when they tell you what they want right now open your eyes and think about your current life.
Where can you help meet that little child’s needs?
During my darkest days, little Amanda was looking for someone to play with and feel safe with. When I looked around I realized I had a lot of superficial relationships. I was casually dating people. I was not investing in deeper, more meaningful relationships.
This was my signal to stop feeling grateful for all the people in my life…..and start getting clear on who in my life was making me feel safe and supported...and invest there.
I am sending my love to everyone experiencing some darkness today.
I hope this helps someone today navigate the gratitude narratives and find a path toward something a little lighter (see what I did there).
Sending love. đź’š
🧩 Thanks for keeping Life's a Game Free
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